Wow.
I promise never in a million years did I ever think I would be writing something like this. It has taken me a month to wrap my head around my feelings, and instead of writing a sappy Instagram post (which I probably will later), I have written and rewritten this a couple times because I still can’t process my thoughts. Featuring some photos to commemorate my senior year.
To My Unfinished Senior Year,
I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confused.
The night before I left for spring break (back when traveling was acceptable, I swear), I was in my newfound best friends’ apartment. You don’t know these girls yet because I just met them, which is part of what makes this COVID-19 senior year crisis hurt even more.
Meet Sam and Megan. I met them in the Disney class and after our Disney trip (which was amazing by the way, I’m sure you were wondering after my last blog post), we became inseparable. Sorry other Disney friends, I promise we’re not trying to be cliquey, but we are a true squad. Their apartment had become my second semester hang out, where I constantly joked that I would be moving in after our weekly Bachelor nights and our weekend hangs. They threw my Bachelor themed birthday party, which was THE most immersive (check out my new Disney vocab) party anyone has ever been to, so that makes them true homies.
Anyway, I was at their apartment and we were talking about the coronavirus (before it was cool). The three of us were going to Florida, I was “spring breaking” in Cocoa Beach, but Sam and Megan were going back to Disney World. I had read an article about the possibility of Disney closing due to the coronavirus, but at that point the probability was VERY low. We were all essentially talking ourselves off the ledge, trying to hype ourselves up to go on spring break. “No, the coronavirus isn’t that big of a deal.” “Remember Ebola, yeah this chart said that you were more likely to get that.” “Look at this map, it’s ~barely~ in the U.S., only like one spot in Florida, we’re fine.”
Man, I wish I could go back to that night and that conversation because who would have thought that would be the last time, I saw all of my friends. If I knew that I would be back home in Pittsburgh quarantining and hearing nothing but coronavirus news, I would have talked to them about literally anything else. I would have sat there making fun of Kayla for having her shoes and coat on for another two hours refusing to leave. But I left for spring break with no cares in the world.
We went to the Columbus airport and saw only one person wearing a mask, which we promptly scoffed at because that was when you were only supposed to wear a mask if you were sick. And off we went to Florida, not thinking about the coronavirus at all. Spring break was a blast, I got crispy sunburnt and drank as many piña coladas as my heart desired with two of my closest friends as we relaxed on the beach. But, at the end of our vacation I got the email that would change everything: Ohio University would go online for the rest of the semester.
Goodbye senior year. Goodbye senior shuffles. Goodbye senior send offs. Goodbye graduation. Goodbye Athens. Goodbye best friends.
Within one email it was all taken away from me. Yes, I get it, that’s dramatic and I understand the gravity of the situation. Believe me, Nurse Aimes tells me every day. But it still hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt.
So, now it’s been a month. I’ve moved out of Athens. All of my classes are online. I’m trying to create a print magazine with students scattered all around the country. I Zoom with my friends almost nightly. I cry a lot more than I ever did while at school. I can’t even listen to music anymore because every song that comes on, literally EVERY song, I cry because I can find one lyric that reminds me of Athens.
I knew senior year was finite. May 2. On May 2nd, I was going to wake up and go to the bars in my cap and gown so my friends and I could have one last minute of tomfoolery before we walked across the stage and got our diplomas. We knew May 2nd was coming, so we planned a laundry list of things to do before May 2nd. But March 6th was my last day in Athens. Almost two months before it was supposed to be.
As of March 6th, I hadn’t done half of the things I wanted to. I hadn’t said goodbye to my best friends. I hadn’t received my cap and gown and cords and stoles. I hadn’t taken my graduation photos. I hadn’t eaten O’Betty’s, or Brenen’s or Bagel Street for the last time. I hadn’t walked around campus and cried in my favorite spots. I was just done.
It’s funny because four years ago when I left for OU, I couldn’t stop crying because I was terrified. I had always been a homebody and going three hours away, out-of-state, did not seem like something I would ever do. But those four years flew by and now I’m a ~real adult~ (well kind of) who’s crying because I can’t be at OU.
I didn’t get the closure of my lasts. And now, I’m expected to just move on like my senior year wasn’t ripped away. No one understands what it’s like for a college senior, not my parents, not my underclassmen friends, not high schoolers, not the professors, and especially not the people posting their senior photos on Facebook in “support” of the class of 2020.
But I digress, this is not a rant about why I’m allowed to be sad. This is a shout out to all of my fellow college seniors who are really going through it right now.
Most importantly this is a thank you. A thank you to all of the people who made my senior year the best year of my life. A thank you to all of the professors and mentors who I had over the years and who shaped me into the journalist I am today. A thank you to all of my biggest cheerleaders along the way that got me through some of the hardest times. A thank you to my best friends who cried with me, laughed with me, lived it up on Court St. with me, and who just generally did life with me.
Thank you senior year for bringing the best and goofiest people into my life (Megan I’m mostly talking about you because YIKES we are the same person). Thank you senior year for giving me the best memories. Thank you senior year for giving me something that I am so sad to be missing out on.
Thank you Athens, Ohio, for giving me a place to call home for four years and a place to call hOUme for the rest of my life. Those bricks will always be calling my name.
Don’t worry Athens you haven’t seen the last of me. It’s not a goodbye, it’s a see you later. OU, Oh yeah ladies and gents.
With Bobcat Pride,
Bailey (from college)
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